My Master Plan for World Domination
First, I establish Flying Boat Enterprises. Next, I need to actually get an amphibious plane, and learn to fly it, or else recruit some pilots.
Next, I establish small presences in the following locations:
- Fritch Lake -- U.S. operational base
- Sankt Peterburg, Russia -- Russian recruiting center
- Tallinn, Estonia -- Northeastern Europe operational center
- Dahab, Sinai peninsula (Egypt) -- Middle Eastern operational center. I establish Radio Free Dahab, a low-power FM station.
- Santorini island, Aegean Sea (Greece) -- Mediterranean operational center
Now for the market analysis -- you analyze commodities that are in surplus or shortage. This is fairly basic economic analysis.
- Surplus
- Dahab -- good weather, fantastic scenery, solar power
- Estonia -- good-looking single women, bootleg CD's, lakes.
- Russia -- good-looking single women, bootleg CD's, lakes.
- Greece -- Orthodox priests and liturgical vestments
- Santorini -- good weather, fantastic scenery
- To most of the above, append Australian and New Zealander travelers.
- U.S. -- Aquavelva and Nyquil
- Russia -- Orthodox priests and liturgical vestments, good weather
- Santorini -- for some reason, people renting sailboards and sea kayaks
- Saudi Arabia -- alcohol (they guzzle aftershave and cold medications)
- To most everywhere except Australia, New Zealand, and the U.K., append Vegemite.
The Trading Dodecahedron
The Triangle Trade used to supply North America with slaves during the 1700's can serve as a negative economic model. Only three legs -- slaves, molasses, and rum. This simplistic model could not adapt to changing economic pressures and was doomed to failure due to economics long before morality and basic decency stepped in to kill it.
No, a Trading Dodecahedron is what's needed. (Some may observe that my Trading Dodecahedron does get into the flesh trade, although it must be strenuously pointed out that those Russian women desperately want out of Russia)
The below plan, however, is destined for success. Note that all flying legs are between seas or lakes, so the flying boats can easily find places to land.
- Homebrew beer kits, Aquavelva, Nyquil, sea kayaks, sailboards, fins and snorkels are shipped from the US to Santorini.
- Orthodox ecclesiastical vestments are shipped from Santorini to Estonia.
- Orthodox ecclesiastical vestments are forwarded by train from Estonia into Russia, and Russian mail-order brides ride trains from Russia to Estonia.
- Russian mail-order brides and bootleg music CD's are shipped from Estonia to Santorini.
- On the island the Russian women work renting sea kayaks, sailboards, and fins and snorkels. In this they learn basic social graces, polish their English skills, and work on their tans.
- Homebrew beer kits, Aquavelva, Nyquil, and bootleg music CD's are shipped from Santorini to Dahab.
- Bootleg music CD's are played on Radio Free Dahab.
- Homebrew beer kits, Aquavelva, and Nyquil are shipped from Dahab to Saudi Arabia. It's just a short hop across the Gulf of Aqaba, you can see mountains on the opposite shore on clear days. No need for the planes here, small boats would be best. Homebrew beer kits are sold to all the expatriates, the remainder of goods are sold to Saudis ``for medicinal purposes only,'' nudge nudge, wink wink.
- Yeast slurry (brewing by-product) is shipped from Saudi Arabia to Dahab.
- Bedouin subcontractors are given slurry for processing into Vegemite (using solar power to concentrate the yeast-based slurry into spreadable paste), and produced Vegemite is picked up. Some Vegemite sold in Dahab to ANZAC travelers. Some yeast slurry is left unprocessed.
- Remaining Vegemite and slurry are shipped from Dahab to Santorini, where some is vegemite sold to ANZAC travelers. The remainder is sent on to Turkey via ferries. Turkey is chock-full of ANZAC travelers, particular up around Galipoli in April. Any unprocessed yeast slurry is taken in the next shipment to Russia (along with the priests and ecclesiastical vestments) and sold to Russians for the priming of their own homebrew mead and beer operations.
- Russian mail-order brides are shipped from Santorini to the US
The trading dodecahedron can be put into crude graphical form:
orthodox
ecclesiastical
vestments,
########### yeast slurry ##########
# ESTONIA # --------------> # RUSSIA #
########### <-------------- ##########
A Russian
orthodox || mail-order
ecclesiastical || brides
vestments, ||
yeast slurry ||
|| Russian mail-order brides,
|| bootleg music CD's
||
homebrew beer kits, Aquavelva, ||
Nyquil, sea kayaks, sailboards, V
####### fins and snorkels ############# Vegemite ##########
# USA # --------------------------------># SANTORINI # ----------> # TURKEY #
####### <-------------------------------- ############# <---------- ##########
Russian mail-order brides +---------+ (empty)
|sailboard|
|kayak and|
| snorkel |
| rental |
+---------+
A
||
||
|| homebrew beer kits,
Vegemite || Aquavelva, Nyquil,
|| bootleg music CD's
||
|| homebrew
|| beer kits,
V Aquavelva,
######### Nyquil ################
# DAHAB # --------------> # SAUDI ARABIA #
######### <-------------- ################
+------------+ yeast slurry +--------------+
| Radio | |Hey, what the |
| Free Dahab,| |Saudis do with|
| vegemite | |that stuff is |
| production | |their business|
+------------+ +--------------+
Finally, for someone else's thoughts along these lines:
- Peter's Evil Overlord List, http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~pyang/misc/overlord1.htm.
- Global Domination LLC, http://www.villainsupply.com/
- The people at http://www.gosolarpower.com/seasolarpower/, who seem to think that my master plan for world domination has something to do with solar power! HAH!
© Bob Cromwell, April 2004
This page created with /bin/vi