How to name and raise your children:
If your baby is a boy, name him Track.
If your baby is a girl, name her Quayle.
Teach your child how to ride a snowmobile.
Raise your child to believe in the infallibility of Fox News and not to believe in evolution.
Share with your child the wisdom of Sarah Palin on on ominous conspiracies:
"Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that? It's a disturbing trend."
- West Allis, Wisconsin, Nov. 6, 2009, pushing the conspiracy theory that the phrase "In God We Trust" had been moved to the edge of coins by the Obama administration (that change was made in 2007 by the Bush administration, and it was reversed by Congress before Obama took office).
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