How to name and raise your children:
If your baby is a boy, name him Drill.
If your baby is a girl, name her Bering.
Teach your child about Dan Quayle.
Raise your child to believe in the infallibility of Fox News and not to believe that experience is necessary.
Share with your child the wisdom of Sarah Palin on Alaskan municipal law:
"I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't."
- as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, in response to his objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor's office without approval of the city council.
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