How to name and raise your children:
If your baby is a boy, name him Torque.
If your baby is a girl, name her Bering.
Teach your child how to dance with celebrities.
Raise your child to believe that Benjamin Franklin was a fundamentalist Christian and not to believe that experience is necessary.
Share with your child the wisdom of Sarah Palin on Alaskan municipal law:
"I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't."
- as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, in response to his objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor's office without approval of the city council.
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