The Dead Bunny Hat, Headgear of the Heroic All-Union Workers' Collective
On
five trips to Russia in a three-year period
I brought back about
fifty of the warm and stylish Russian hats made from the fur of,
let's admit it folks, dead bunnies.
I have attempted to document where some of them went.
Meanwhile, enjoy pictures of silly hats and nostalgic instances
of Soviet propaganda-speak!
On the Purdue University campus,
2000 local time, 13 Feb 2007.
FIRST, HOWEVER, A WORD FOR THE CLUELESS.
Particularly thick-headed individuals might leap to the conclusion
that I think that communism is somehow a good thing.
History shows that communism is an extremely bad system.
But hey, if you can't make fun of an amoral and impractical system
favored by genocidal tyrants, then what can you make fun of?
Most of these are thumbnail versions, so click on the images you're
interested in seeing in higher resolution.
Otherwise, this page is a bit of a bandwidth pig....
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The Address List Czar himself feels that
a Dead Bunny Hat is most stylish when properly accessorized
with an SKS M-56, or Samozaryadnyj Karabin Simonov Model
Pyatdyesyat Shyest, along with a Norinco clone of a M1911A1.
Comrade Address List Czar says,
``While the M1911A1 was originally a Capitalist Tool used by
the western imperialists, this one
was manufacured by our Comrades in Asian Collectivism at
the Northern Industries Company of China.''
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During a recent trip to swing the old hammer and sickle
in the former Soviet Union,
our USAID workers' cadre found that ``Collectivism is next to
Deadbunnyism.''
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During an
earlier trip
a camera crew from the Louisville PBS station joined us,
in order to ``counter reactionary jingoism and expose
anti-collectivist colonialism.''
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Comrade & Mrs Steve and Gena Blask, pictured here in their southern
California home immediately before their move to Florida, found their
Dead Bunny Hats useful in their cross-country drive.
As Steve says, ``Only real men wear fur hats in the desert.''
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Comrade & Mrs Ed and Eileen Bronson found that the
Dead Bunny Hat adds that formal touch appropriate
for today's weddings.
Or revolutions, for that matter.
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Comrades Joe Cychosz and Tom Tengdin keep warm during sentry duty with
their Dead Bunny Hats in sizes large and extra-huge, respectively.
``While Comrade Mao taught that power proceeds from the barrel
of a gun, we also know that warmth proceeds from the fur of a bunny.''
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Comrade Dan Clevenger reveals the secret behind making your own Dead Bunny Hat.
That's a craft that can get you through long, dark, hungry Russian winters in
more ways than one.
``Yum, that's good eating!''
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Comrade Rick Poorman used his Dead Bunny Hat as a birthday present
for his father.
As Rick's dad says,
``Crazy kid, always seemed a little revolutionary to me....''
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Comrade Jim Zigan found the Dead Bunny Hat useful for getting the
full ``I'm building my own MiG'' feeling.
As Jim says, when on late December air-superiority missions,
``Die, obese running-dog lackey of the capitalistic toy-mongers,
oppressor of the diminutive toy-builder workers' class!''
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Both the Ukrainian ``Khutro'' Dead Bunny Hat factory,
and the ``Minar'' Dead Bunny Hat factory of Sankt-Peterburg
would like you to believe that more exotic animals make up the
fur of their hats.
Hah!
Not these hats, anyway....
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Note that your Dead Bunny Hat will be sized as per the Russian standard.
Just make sure it's as big as possible.
One theory offered to me by a hat salesman is that Russians
are poorly nourished and thus have small heads.
Another theory, more popular among Dead Bunny Hat theorists,
is that they skimp on material.
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Che Guevara prefered a black beret, like his hero the Taco Bell chihuahua,
but had he lived in a cold climate, he would have worn a Dead Bunny Hat!
Che is still the darling of the leftists in Berkeley and elsewhere, some of
whom seem to think that Castro is dangerously Reaganistic in politics.
It's Che's dashing Zorro-like appearance that appeals, I suppose.
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Vladimir Ilych ``Ulyanov'' Lenin prefered one of those fishermen's
caps, but legend says that it was lined with the fur of a dead bunny.
Vlad was always portrayed as a hero by the Soviets and their fellow travelers.
However, in Leningrad (now Sankt Peterburg) one of the things to see is
the train that brought him into the country after the revolution was
well underway and the city was nice and safe.
Nothing like leading from the rear, so far to the rear that you're
actually in Finland.
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Mao Tze-Tung probably wore a Dead Bunny Hat.
What else would give him a life-long case of severe hat-head?
Mao seemed to look up to Hitler, if the number of people he massacred
is any indication.
He launched a number of genocidal projects that remain underway,
killing the Tibetans and Uighur people in particular.
More generally, people wearing eyeglasses were ``dangerously intellectual''
and thus subject to severe punishment and slavery if lucky,
a bullet in the head if not.
Those in power in China now don't seem to punish people for
being educated, or encouraging children to turn their parents
in to the secret police.
Oh, unless you count the Tibetans, and the Uighurs, and the people
in Inner Mongolia, and....
For details on China's background in this,
check out Tibet and the Chinese People's Republic,
A Report to the International Commission of Jurists by its Legal Inquiry
Committee on Tibet (Genva, 1960).
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If that's not enough communist jingoism,
the North Korean press agency
spews nonsense that would be hilarious if they didn't
take it all too seriously.
As they say in the DPRK, "Better Red Than Fed"....
Oh, and be careful out there.
If you visit a North Korean web site, your system will be probed
within the next 24 hours.
Probably just a few casual TCP/IP probes, probably poking around
your IMAP and POP ports.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
