OPERATION PAKISTANI BALLDROP, PART TWO:
THE QUEST FOR ISO-14001 CERTIFICATION
Almost two years after OPERATION PAKISTANI BALLDROP and their heated request to please leave them alone, Ittehad Chemicals Limited got back in touch with me. They needed to know whether I was ISO-14001 certified to be their supplier of industrial chemical control valves:
From: "M.Imran Sufi" <firstname.lastname@example.org> To: Bob Cromwell Subject: ISO-14001 CERTIFICATION - ENVIRONMENT Date: Wednesday 06 April 2005 03:06 Dear Sirs, We are working to get ISO 14001 Certification regarding Environment and in order to prepare documentation, we need your confirmation of the certification of your Organization in ISO-14001. We shall appreciate if you kindly send us by e.mail/fax No.00-92-42-6365697 copy of the Certificate if it is obtained. Regards MUSTAFA GONDAL ITTEHAD CHEMICALS LIMITED 39, EMPRESS ROAD, LAHORE - PAKISTAN. PH: 00-92-42-6306586-88 FAX: 00-92-42-6365697 WEB: www.ittehadchemicals.com <http://www.ittehadchemicals.com/>
This seemed to be my previous correspondent Muhammed Imran Sufi, but the signature claimed to be Mustafa Gondal.
Well, no problem, I already knew that they had a little trouble keeping track of things there, and I could simply reply to whoever this was and copy the other address I had from the last time:
From: Bob Cromwell To: email@example.com, CC: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Re: ISO-14001 CERTIFICATION - ENVIRONMENT Date: Friday, April 15, 2005 9:41 PM Gentlemen -- Thank you for your recent inquiry. I must confess that my operation is not currently certified under ISO 14001, although as you certainly may imagine, this is something that could stand immediate rectification. On consideration of the two main lines of operation here, to wit:  Digital imaging of sanitary facilities, and  Organization of air-drop missions to deliver sanitary equipment, it occurs to me that category #1 is almost entirely without environmental impact -- and given the recent switchover to a strict use of rechargeable batteries only, I do believe it would be fair to claim "entirely". It is only operational category #2 where this operation runs the risk of environmental impact. I am mulling over the possibility of spinning off that activity into a separate operating unit. That unit could pursue ISO 14001 certification independently, and until this was achieved, the digital imagery activity could continue unimpeded by any lack of ISO certification. Your inquiry gives me reason to reflect on past operations, and it is certainly amazing how environmental impact issues have rapidly come to affect this field. Long gone is the day when you could simply slide pallet loads of stainless steel plumbing fixtures out the rear cargo door of a transport aircraft as it circled above a city! Of course, the political brouhaha surrounding the debacle of the ill-fated 1988 Harare pipe drop far outshadowed any physical damage done, and I must side with those analysts who said that there really was no significant damage done: the defects in the parliament building's roof were pre-existing and due to a long lack of scheduled maintenance. The ironic fact that one of a pipes happened to skewer the corrupt defense minister's limousine like an over-sized martini olive was undoubtedly the sole cause of the ensuing excitement. While it is fortunate that the limousine in question was sitting empty at the time outside the apartment building where the defense minister's mistress lived, one can't help but speculate whether the following spring's border incursion into Malawi might not have happened had the pipe drop gone more smoothly. Well, live and learn. Even in the late 1990's, when the industry had long adopted the now standard encasing of fittings in hard rubber before any air drops, we still saw many drops of sturdy fixtures (e.g., cast-iron bathtubs, thick-walled pipes, and all-stainless-steel urinals) done in the old style, "in the raw", at least in underdeveloped regions and in areas with minimal population. Some industry analysts have argued that the sole negative outcome of the last decade's continuing unsanctioned plumbing drops has been the establishment in New Guinea of a cargo cult now awaiting the return of a great sky-god known as Kohler. And we mustn't overlook the continuing practice in the South Pacific in which fixtures are dropped from aircraft into lagoons where they are recovered by pearl divers. No one seriously claims that there aren't drops where a couple of tons of high-pressure valves go clattering across the beach, or even whiz through the palms sheltering what passes for the towns. In an environment where fully mature coconuts regularly plummet from the treetops, a few stainless steel 90-degree elbows, PVC sewer clean-out fittings, or even cast-iron floor drain fittings are indistinguishable from the hazards of the natural environment. Well, that is neither here nor there. For now I'm afraid I must report that my operation lacks ISO 14001 certification. Bob Cromwell On Wednesday 06 April 2005 03:06, you wrote: > Dear Sirs, > > We are working to get ISO 14001 Certification regarding Environment > and in order to prepare documentation, we need your confirmation of > the certification of your Organization in ISO-14001. > > We shall appreciate if you kindly send us by e.mail/fax > No.00-92-42-6365697 copy of the Certificate if it is obtained. > > Regards > > MUSTAFA GONDAL > ITTEHAD CHEMICALS LIMITED > 39, EMPRESS ROAD, > LAHORE - PAKISTAN. > PH: 00-92-42-6306586-88 > FAX: 00-92-42-6365697 > WEB: www.ittehadchemicals.com <http://www.ittehadchemicals.com/>
Somewhat surprisingly, or then again maybe not, I did not receive a response from them.Other forms of nonsense