How to name and raise your children:
If your baby is a boy, name him Blitzen.
If your baby is a girl, name her Twinkle.
Teach your child to expect a $1,500 check from the government every year just for being a resident of Alaska.
Raise your child to believe that The Rapture is almost here and not to believe meteorologists.
Share with your child the wisdom of Sarah Palin on education:
"What would your response be if I asked you to remove some books from the collection?"
- To Wasilla, Alaska librarian Mary Ellen Emmons immediately after taking office in 1996, about banning books in the library's collection.
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