How to name and raise your children:
If your baby is a boy, name him Track.
If your baby is a girl, name her Blossom.
Teach your child how to butcher a moose.
Raise your child to believe that people living in large cities aren't really Americans and not to believe anything in the New York Times.
Share with your child the wisdom of Sarah Palin on education:
"What would your response be if I asked you to remove some books from the collection?"
- To Wasilla, Alaska librarian Mary Ellen Emmons immediately after taking office in 1996, about banning books in the library's collection.
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