How to name and raise your children:
If your baby is a boy, name him Yank.
If your baby is a girl, name her Yeager.
Teach your child how to fish.
Raise your child to believe that people living in large cities aren't really Americans and not to believe anything in the Washington Post.
Share with your child the wisdom of Sarah Palin on geography:
"As we work and sightsee on America's largest island, we'll get to view more majestic bears, so now is a good time to draw attention to the political equivalent of the species."
- July 19, 2010, referring to Kodiak Island in Alaska, although Hawaii is America's biggest island.
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