How to name and raise your children:
If your baby is a boy, name him Wood.
If your baby is a girl, name her Blossom.
Teach your child how to speak in tongues.
Raise your child to believe in the infallibility of Fox News and not to believe in evolution.
Share with your child the wisdom of Sarah Palin on her strengths:
"I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree."
- Fox News interview with Sean Hannity, Nov. 22, 2010.
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